A Look Back. A Step Forward.

If you walked through a department store lately, you can definitely tell that is the New Year is here. Where there were once Christmas wreaths and selections for presents, there is now aisles worth of exercise equipment, weight loss drugs, workout clothing, etc. It kind of humors me that places like Wal-Mart and Target predict what all of our New Year’s Resolutions will be…

Before I present mine, I have to sit back and digest what 2008 meant for me. It’s very much like taking down your decorations and packing them up… taking down each ornament like an event in your life, looking and admiring it for whatever it was, and putting it away to make room for something else… something new.

2008 was rough year for me. I must disclose that I always say that… but I’d like to share with you what 2008 represents for me. But most importantly, what I have learned, or continued to learn in a different way.

1.       Doing what is right for you, will likely be wrong to others. And that is okay.

2.       Your dreams and desires, no matter how strong, may not come true, no matter how unfair.

3.       Continually investing in relationships that are not reciprocated is more unhealthy than you think.

4.       You really do teach people how to treat you.

5.       If you don’t reach others expectations of you, the problem lies with them, not you.

6.       You’re either with me, or you’re not.

7.       Your family consists of people who love and support you, and who you are. It is not about blood, birth certificates, or last names.

8.       Laughing IS the best medicine.

9.       If you can’t change the bigger things, change the smaller things.

10.   The best giver is the one who gives, but doesn’t advertise.

 

So in theme with the New Year, here are my personal goals and objectives for 2009. The term resolutions is so overrated- really, and often forgot by the end of January. Sometimes sooner.

1.       Secure a job that I am deserving of. Flipping hamburgers? No. Wearing pumps and a headscarf to work? Yes.

2.       Continue to take 2-4 classes in every semester in school, and maintain straight A’s.

3.       Lose weight. Think, Titanic to dingy.

4.       Pay off all debt.

5.       Speak up.

6.       Maintain relationships that are healthy for me, and drop off the ones that are unsupportive.

7.       Birthday cards? I’ll have to think about this one some more… okay, at least E-cards.

8.       Volunteer.

9.       Celebrate who I am.

10.   Stop giving what I can’t afford/ To Thine Own Self Be True.

 

HELLO 2009!

 

Gettin Nailed in Maine…

Today I was able to venture out on my own and see what kind of trouble I could get in to. I know how to get to the beach, my cousins restaurant, and to my Aunt and Uncle’s house, but that’s about the extent of it.

So I drove down to the beach where I watched the tide come in and the seagulls fast asleep top the rippled water. The tide amazes me. Early yesterday evening, I was walking among the big rocks that seemed a mile away from shore, only to find today that my footprints have been washed away and there was no trace I was ever there, as everything was under water.

This is such an amazing area. Ogunquit is a little touristy town, set on the beach, that crawls with visitors in the spring and summer, and in the winter is dried up and just the natives occupy the streets. Little shops, and privately owned restaurants and café’s sit close together and all within view of the beach. It’s Mayberry gone coastal. Everyone knows each other… the plow guy doubles as a restaurant owner, and a local policeman is dating your waiter.

Today I landed in a Nail salon. My nail technician was the Vietnamese owner, named Kyle. Don’t ask. Kyle speaks English well enough to understand, but he is so soft spoken its hard to hear at times. While sitting there as he filled, filed, cut, and painted my nails, he told me stories of his homeland. He moved here when he was 12, so he remembers enough of Vietnam to make a comparison. I must warn you, I tend to think outside of the box but I have never been out of the country. Once my Uncle Bill threatened to take me to Mexico as we were 3 miles from the border, but he has yet to make good on that threat. So sitting with Kyle was the closest I can come to travel. Or experiencing different point of view, or way of life.

“So did you like it there?” I asked. Don’t let my interviewing skills impress you too much.

“It’s completely different than here,” he said, looking up from working on my ring finger. “In Vietnam, you don’t work, because you don’t have to work.”

“Well how do you pay your bills?” I asked. Naive. I know. But imagining a world without my internet connection, my latte’ once in a while, or shopping for clothes is beyond my comprehension.

“We don’t have any bills,” He said. Buy me a one-way. Now. “We grow our food, and we sell it, or trade it for meat. If we want a house, we build a house, and we own it.” He smiled.

“It’s like, if you are poor, you are really poor. If you are rich, you are really rich. If you buy a Toyota that cost 30 thousand here, its like 90 thousand there… and the rich go in, and pay with cash. If you are born into a rich family, you know you will always be rich. But if you are born into a poor family… then you know you will always be poor.”

I nodded.

“And divorce is so easy. There, you don’t get divorced. The kids suffer, and nobody thinks about them here,” He said. “Too, too easy to get divorced. Like, if I were to marry you, you would come into more of my family than I in yours. We don’t get divorced.”

“Well what if you were caught beating your wife? The wife couldn’t get a divorce then?” I ask, trying to think of a scenario where a divorce is required in my opinion.

“One time, my uncle beat his wife. My other uncle, his brother, beat him up for it,” Kyle said, very matter-of-factly. “The husband would get in trouble for beating his wife. It would be the duty of the husbands family to take care of it.”

Soon my nails were done, and dried… and he offered one last bit of insight.

“Everybody wants more here. We are never happy. We always want something else. Like, in Vietnam, I loved going to get the mail. Here, I hate getting it,” Kyle said. I nodded in agreement.

“It’s not all the stuff that makes you happy. It’s the small things. The little things.”

I walked out of the nail salon happy with what I thought would just be the run of the mill drive through nail job. I don’t think I will ever forget Kyle, the guy who did my nails in the Ogunquit area.

The best part?

Kyle is 28. A business owner. From a poor family.

Possibilities are endless.

 

Know that dream house I was talkin bout?

The one where I had a big bay window and my desk faced the water… baby ducks and a ranch?

You can go ahead and set it here. Please and thank you.

There has not been much writing- although there has been a lot to say. Do you ever have to digest your dinner before you really talk about it? Well, same case here. Maine is gorgeous as you can see… I <3 the beach. I <3 coffee too. Just thought you should know.

 

Week one: Maine

Hi Folks, sorry I haven’t written in awhile, I have been busy!

Everything here is well. I wanted to share with you some photos of the parade here in town. I rode in it with my cousin Leanne, representing her resturant.

 

 

Maine…

I arrived safely in Maine and no travel stories to tell.

Here is a pic from the sky of Maine:

And ten points to anyone who can tell me what this clip is for. Is it a bottle opener? A clip to hang your purse on? Or something annoying that catches your hair everytime you reach down to  your carry-on.

 

More pics to come!

 

Jetplane to Maine…

Tomorrow I am leaving for Maine.

I should be trying to figure out how to put 232 fleeces in a suitcase the size of a tissue box.

Or how to get 80 bottles of a womans cosemetic needs in 3 ounces bottles that fit nicely in a quart size ziploc bag.

This is not going well.

I promise to post pictures and updates… and any funny stories that happy on my travels. Remember last time? The woman who said, “Get up and walk” ?

I also have my next two What Makes You Happy victim’s pegged…

Stay tuned!

 

Illegal! But worth sharing.

There is definitely a somber feeling in the air this holiday. Blame the economy, the president, the weather, or what you ate for breakfast- either way you cut it, things are- just what is.

Two of my close friends, Melissa and Tawnie, exchange gifts every year. We used to worry about how our Toast of New York lipstick was fading from our lips in the junior high bathroom so many years ago… and today we are busy with worrying about everyone else in our lives. Making sure everyone else is taken care of, presents are wrapped, braving the sales, baking the ham (or not), or making sure the egg nogg is spiked appropriately (note to self: have spiked egg nogg?), or toasting our bosoms in front of the oven bakin’ cookies – in the midst of creating all the magic, we sometimes are forgotten.

So every year, we make our little wish lists- because we know even if no one else asks, the two of them will ask me, and vice versa. It’s just how we roll. And magically, though far apart- we all receive a box, in pretty wrapping, and we know it’s something we wanted, and something just for us. It’s nothing big- but it means someone cares enough about you to give you something different to open other than the useless <insert annoying gift here> that your inlaws get you every year. 

This year our exchange has been axed, because resources are tight and the nation is near panic… and the feeling I get is that we are all waiting for a shotgun to go off, and then everyone will grab their pitchfork and have to chase and capture our Christmas feast, or worse, succumb to actually making our own laundry detergent. (smile)

Today, I received a package from Tawnie. It was illegal, considering we all agreed no gifts! She will be punished… perhaps by a prank phone call of some sorts… anyway, after ripping open the packaging, and the bow that was particularly confusing, I find a book… with pink cover, and titled SHE… inside are wonderful little phrases that say so much, and makes me want to cry and run all the way to California holding the book and wearing what I woke up this morning in. But I won’t. ‘Cause its cold out.

Here are some of my favorite parts… so that you may get the idea.

She must be something special. And she is. Celebrate her.

She pursued big dreams instead of small realities. Celebrate her priorities.

She saw everything ending as a new beginning. Celebrate her resiliency.

She woke up one day and threw away all of her excuses. Celebrate her accountability.

She ignored people when they said it couldn’t be done. Celebrate her independence.

She decided to enjoy more and endure less. Celebrate her choices.

She not only saw the light at the end of the tunnel but became that light for others. Celebrate her compassion.

She said bye-bye to unhealthy relationships. Celebrate her happiness.

 

………… there are lots more, but those are my favorites. Thank you Tawnie!!!

P.S. I don’t share all gifts I receive on my blog, but this one was especially wonderful and said so much for being a little somethin-somethin.

 

Seasons…reasons.

I have an embarrassing amount of flip flops in my closet. I honestly don’t know what my love affair for them comes from… the fact that they are easy to slip on and off, or that they remind me of summer, or that they come in many different styles.

There is nearly a foot of snow on the ground- if not more. The parking lots already have their annual winter snow as you can see here.

(See the cars off to the right for height comparison)

 

 The snow has been falling for awhile, but tonight I gave up my denial and decided that its time for the beloved flops and capris, and string bikini that I have absolutely never worn (in public)  to be put in a box in the corner of my closet for hibernation for the long winter. (My Tort cousin’s are in the exact same predicament in California…)

So in the middle of my closet upheaval and rotation, I happened to pick up a box that contained my graduation autograph book. Close friends and family had signed little notes to me, wishing me the best in the future. They almost all were identical… follow God, you are so talented, stay sweet and loving. That was ten years ago. I’m so not where I wanted to be- but I know not everyone ends up where they thought they would.

There is a black cloud that has been following me for awhile… that I am finally able to break through from and no longer have the excuse of it being over my head. This new year will bring so much hope, so much promise… and I look forward to it. I’m promising to be better to myself. To set healthy boundaries. But most of all, I am promising that I continue to invest in myself that will eventually lead me to where I feel I need to be. 

There is no denying that winter is here. The shovels, windshield scrapers, snow salt- on your car, shoes, sidewalk, hair?!?!, messy boots, warming the cars, gloves, bulky winter jackets, dragging the shopping carts through the snow, icicles… though in all of it’s nuisances, winter is necessary in nature.

                And I have to believe… that my personal winter is necessary too.

                See you in the Spring, lovely flip flops.

 

What Makes Me Happy!

I’m still on the search for my next What Makes You Happy interview victim… I have a couple of ideas so perhaps I can get another one in before Christmas.

Until then, here is my own personal list, in no particular order:

What makes me happy…

1.            Spending time with loved ones

2.            Traveling

3.            The Beach

4.            Laughing- the more sarcastic, the better

5.            Reading a book that makes an impact on me

6.            My animals, or any animals

7.            A good movie

8.            Massages

9.            Sleeping! (with a fan blowing on me)

10.          When others trust me

11.          Straight A’s

12.          Vanilla Latte’s or Chai Tea

13.          Being creative- with words

14.          Tulips

15.          Cheap gas!

 

I will be leaving for Maine in less than two weeks… will be there through mid-January. I will take lots of photos and post them- I promise!

 

Martini…

Martini has nothing to do with this blog, other than the fact that its a fun word to say and it sounds good at the moment.

Things have been quite blah for me lately, which unfortunately doesn’t leave me a whole lot to say here. Although we had a quiet and delicious Thanksgiving, I wish I could somehow fast forward through the holidays and straight into the new year. Do you every have time’s like that? I wish I could escape the boxes of Christmas decorations in my garage, but I get them out and unload everything throughout the house because its expected of me. People are depending on me to make their holiday a great one. Its similar to the feeling when you have to get up and make breakfast for everyone… but you are sooo tired. You know you have to do it- but if you had your choice, you’d sit this one out.

I’m a ball of sunshine here aren’t I? J

Okay, here’s another excerpt from my writing project. I feel like I really need to preface this, but I’m not really sure how to do it without saying it is what it is. Hopefully I do a good enough job to make you feel like you were there… even though you wouldn’t want to be.

                “A few months later, (we) returned to California for the trial. Our days were spent meeting with the lawyers at the courthouse, though most of my time was spent sitting on the benches outside while mom spoke with them. I was assigned a victims advocate, a woman who spoke with me and prepared me for the upcoming trial. She took me around to the courtroom when it was empty, and showed me what it was like.

                “You will sit here”, she said, in an upbeat voice as she tapped the wood in front of the witness stand.

                When the day came for my testimony, I sat outside waiting for what seemed like an eternity as the liaison waited with me. I remember sitting on the wood bench, staring at the huge stones in the flooring of the tile, watching people walk by. Eventually the door opened and nodded to my liaison.

                When I walked through the door, it was much different than when I saw it when it was empty. This time where were a lot of people, littering the jury box, the judge in the front, people at tables and in what looked like church pews. The courtroom was quiet as I slowly walked to the front, following my liaison. I stepped up into the witness stand, and it was then that I felt his stare. I tried not to make eye contact, but I could still feel his presence. I was sworn in, and the sharp dressed laywers began their questioning.

                When the first question was asked, I nodded yes. The judge told me that I needed to speak because someone was recording what I was saying, and that I had to say words.

                The prosecutor asked me a question again, and I nodded yes again. I heard members of the jury chuckle. I have to say words, I reminded myself as they started again.

                I was asked a lot of questions, ones I’m sure they knew the answer to.

                “Where did he touch you,” the lawyer asked. I felt an elephant sit on my chest. The longer I sat there, the heavier the glares were, coming from every direction. I knew they were all anticipating my answer, they were thirsty for it. They needed to hear it, yet I didn’t know how to say it. I somehow found a way.

“Do you recognize this?” An attorney asked. He held up my white nightgown, with purple trim that I last saw in Ginger’s hands, the only time she had spoken about it to me. Yes, that is what I was wearing, I said.

                “Do you see that man in this courtroom today?” he asked.

                I glanced over to my right, and there he sat in between a group of men. His stare locked with my eyes as I turned to look at him.

                “Yes.” I said.

                “Can you point him out?” the prosecutor asked.

                My finger pointed to him, and I followed the direction of my finger all the way to the man it was pointing to. The courtroom was silent, there were so many people watching me. My voice echoed against the walls of the courtroom. The judge sat slightly above me and watched me, I felt slightly intimidated. Why were so many people were so interested in what had happened to me, and what I had to say? Eventually the questioning stopped, and I was dismissed. I was happy to see the flooring in the hallway, and felt a huge sigh of relief when I climbed back up on the wooden bench after my highly anticipated testimony was over. It was finally all over.”