Doer.

Sometimes there are a lot of places I would like to be…

Today, I wish I was in Santa Barbara celebrating Melissa’s birthday with her as we sip cosmo’s and get massages.

Or, sitting on a warm tropical beach surrounded with loved ones and soaking up the sun… perhaps with a cosmo.

Perhaps sitting on the floor with my nephews, and even my soon-to-be niece, playing and attempting to make them belly laugh.

I would love to be hiking through a dense forest on a trail that runs parallel to a babbling brook, taking in the mountain fresh air and the beauty around me.

Or on a boat getting ready to scuba dive and swim with the fish.

But most of all, I wish that I was able to participate in all the searches that go on for missing children. Right now, specifically for Haleigh Cummings. My heart always gets so wrapped up in stories like hers. From Natalee Holloway to Laci Peterson, I have followed it all and I have not missed a beat. I have studied victimology  and I have often followed the case through the trials. Perhaps is the feeling that I need to do something to help. Perhaps I see a little part of me in each and every one of them. My heart gets wrapped up in their stories. In the details. In the legal documents. I always feel compelled to help, in some way. It’s heartbreaking to hear these things happen… but for me its also heartbreaking to not be there to be able to help.

… there are two kinds of people. Thinkers, and doers.

I hope that one day I will be in a place that I can be a doer.

 

Poundcake: Week 1

Weight is a very personal issue for me… I have struggled with it practically all my life. I have read a lot of books and at times when on CRAZY diet trends trying to find the secret. In all honesty- some of them worked, but hardly any of them were easy to stick to.

When I was 20, I lost about 40 pounds in a very short period of time. I honestly didn’t even know I was doing it. What I remember most about that time is I would eat Taco Bell once a day, eat a LOT of apples, and I jogged (Melissa likes the fact that my joggin music was Britney Spears- sorry to say). Was this entirely healthy? Absolutely not. But before I knew it, one day I looked down while I was driving and I noticed that I didn’t have a belly. When I went to the store to get some new jeans- to my surprise not only had I gone down in weight, but I also went down 4 sizes.

After I lost that weight- it was the BEST feeling in the world. I carried myself a whole lot differently, and in projected into other areas of my life. I was confident. I felt worth-it. Those of you who have lost weight will understand the difference.

Then, it all came back. Life happened.

As a common theme for my goals this year, is to put me back in the equation of my life. Taking the out-of-control wheel that has been spinning for awhile and to absolutely drive myself exactly where I want to be. It won’t be easy- but this isn’t my first rodeo.

So, every Monday from here until the end of the year I will check in and post my weight loss progress. If you feel you have particular advice, tips or comments/question then I welcome you to share them in the comments section.

Here is my before picture:

 

One last note… I don’t normally *believe* in horoscopes, however I find them rather entertaining. Once in a great while I come across some good ones. Today is one of my favorites- as it seems to pretty much sum up my entire life:

Monday, Jan 19th, 2009 – Even the smartest plans could fall apart today, but don’t waste energy worrying about what might have been. Instead, concentrate on what is. There is too much at stake to be attached to an idea that isn’t working the way you envisioned. Your greatest strength is your flexibility; as you respond to the changing currents, you’ll figure out an even better way to reach your goals.

 

Goal check-up…

So, when I said I had goals this year- I wasn’t joking. This isn’t like the time I decided to learn how to knit. Or, that I was going to be some famous cake decorator. Or, the time I started private investigation.

No, people this is serious. I have momentum. And granted, it is only- two weeks into the New Year, I really mean business!! Some things on my list I don’t have control over after a certain point… I just have to do what I can do, leave no stone unturned, and send it out into the universe and hope that it comes back to me. And it will, because its 2009. This is my year. This isn’t the year of the monkey. Or dog. This is the year of D-E-A-N-N-A.

Today was the first day of school. I wore my pajamas.

Four days until D-day. I’m starting Weight Watchers, for the 3204582309458th time. Normal people go to the meetings, or even do it online. Not I. I’m cheap. And on a budget. I’m doing it alone, since I have all the items, etc. I decided I will post my weekly progress here- because it will keep me accountable. Then if I skip a week, you all can yell at me. Sound good?

I hope everyone is staying warm. It’s below zero here. I was standing at the gas pump today and I started wondering if anyone’s hands has ever frozen to the handle of the pump- you know, like A Christmas Story kind of way. I started pondering about it so much that I switched hands every 10 seconds. And then I started wondering what would I actually do if that happened? Your not supposed to use your cell phone at the pump… so you couldn’t call for help. The gas station attendant was probably restocking chips on the other side of the store, and wouldn’t notice or see if anything was wrong. So,  I decided, that if that ever truly happened to me- that I would have to pee on my own hand, to unfreeze it from the pump handle.

I’ll stop now.

 

GO ALL Out #1: Walkin

 

 

This is me 500 years from now when I finally finish my degree.

I have promised myself that no matter where I am, needing a walker, cane, or a 24 hour nursing care, I will walk across that stage in Kansas City, where it all started.

What does this picture say to me? It says despite needing an eyebrow wax and some eyeliner, it says, you know, I may be a little late, and it may have taken me a long time, but not only did I finish, I finished with honors.

It also says to me, Deanna, no matter who they are, or what happens, or what has gone wrong, you have the power to make it right.

I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou